Does Hurt Ever Go Away?
by Moony vs. Padfoot
Summary: Ron and Arthur Weasley have died, Ginny wonders whether the hurt will ever go away. But she finds help in someone, and together, they heal. GWHP Some suicidal thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

Does Hurt Ever Go Away?

By Moony

This was inspired while listening to a song, and I had to write it! Don't worry, it won't interfere with 'I've Changed, I Really Have', if you want that. I'll update both regularly. –Moony

Chapter 1

Ginny stared at the setting sun, the glorious colors stretching across the sky, the evening breeze blowing sweetly across her face, the lake sparkling. Everything was so beautiful, so happy, but could she _ever_ be happy again? Could she ever be the carefree little six-year-old again?

Tears poured down her face. The beautiful scene was disappearing behind her watery eyes.

Did hurt every go away? Did the thought of death ever fly completely into the sky? Did the lead weights on her heart ever lift? Would the tears ever stop?

She always cried whenever she saw beautiful scenery, or happy children with their father, or little sisters being tortured by their older brothers. It hurt so bad, even though two months had past. Was Voldemort trying to ruin everyone's lives?

She swallowed. She knew it was probably worse for Harry, him being the one who Voldemort wanted to kill all the time. She wished she could talk to him, maybe it would feel better. She had always had a crush on him, and she still knew the crush hadn't gone away. But Harry had withdrawn into a shell. He spoke to no one, and he was seldom seen at meals. Hermione was less active either. They had all been affected heavily. But Ginny felt she had suffered most. Ron was her brother after all. And Dad… he was gone too. Both of them, gone forever. Whenever the door opened at home, she would always expect her father to come in, a big smile on his face, holding a newfound Muggle gadget and Mum scolding him as they ushered in for dinner. Or maybe Ron would fly in, yelling about how Fred and George had put a Ton Tongue Toffee in his food.

But she knew it would never happen. She would never be protected by Ron again, helped by him, tortured by him… She would never be swung around in Dad's arms again, or giggling at his jokes. The only person who knew how Ron died, was Harry. And Harry wasn't speaking. He had become a mute.

What had happened? Ginny longed to know. What happened with Ron? All Ginny knew was that Harry had been walking, in some kind of trance, and Ron had been trying to get him back to bed, and then Harry grabbed something weird, and it was a Portkey. It had happened before. In fourth year, except for this time, it wasn't Cedric dead… it was…

Ron.

And her dad? She hadn't even known he was going under a dangerous mission! She thought he was doing a safe mission. She hadn't known, that her last good-bye before he left for 'Rome' would be her last good-bye. She thought he would be back in two months! But no, he was not back. And he never would be.

Ginny sat there for a long time, even though the sun had already set, the first star had already appeared. She gave a sob. She had already cried twice. Every day, she cried at least three times. Why wouldn't the tears stop? Why did it hurt so, so much? She couldn't say a word without bursting into tears.

And how come… how come Ron couldn't be a ghost? Or Dad? Maybe it would've been better. They would still be dead, but they'd be there… they'd still talk to her, they'd still be with her…

Ginny was ashamed of herself. She knew ghosts were cowards, and she knew Ron wasn't a coward, and neither was her Dad, but why couldn't there be a way where the brave dead people got to see who they loved too?

Where did people go when they died? Was there a Spirt World? Could she go if she died? Could she see Ron, and Dad, and Sirius, and maybe Harry's parents? Did Dad and Ron get to meet Harry's parents yet? Had they seen Sirius?

"Can I go see you?" she murmured to the dark sky, hoping Dad or Ron would hear.

She was ready, she was ready to go see them. Ginny eyed the lake. How deep was it? Deep enough to drown? Could you still go up to the Spirit World or whatever if your body was underwater? Or should she stab herself with a knife…

Suddenly, the wind came up and became bitterly cold. It seemed to howl, _No… no…_

Was that a message from them? Up there somewhere? Did they not want her to go see them?

_I'm going mad, I'm going mad…_ Ginny thought.

She moved back into the castle, but bumped into… _something._ But there was nothing there! It was just air.

I've really gone mad… 

But suddenly, Harry could be seen.

The Invisibility Cloak!

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

Harrry looked away, his eyes glazed.

"You should go back in. Its cold. Go on," Ginny said, trying to coax him back in.

She didn't want Harry trying any suicidal attempts. Without Harry, the world was as good as dead. Harry submitted and turned back into the castle. Without a word, he pulled the cloak over them both and they headed up the stairs. Ginny felt a strange sensation. She had never been under the Inivisbility Cloak with Harry. Only Ron and Hermione had!

When they reached Gryffindor Common Room, they hurried in. Harry sat beside the fire, staring off. Ginny started to head to the dormitory, before Harry touched her shoulder and said one word,

"Sorry."

Ginny barely heard it, but it had been Harry's first word of speech since two months ago…

"Sorry? What are you sorry for?"

But Harry was staring at the fire again. He said no more. Ginny looked at him, and headed up the dormitory. What had Harry been sorry for?


	2. Chapter 2

Does Hurt Ever Go Away?

Forgot to mention: I don't own any of Harry Potter at all. So there.

By Moony

Thanks to my two reviewers! –Moony

Chapter 2

The sun touched the edge of the window, and Ginny sat wide awake. She couldn't sleep deeply anymore. No. Ever since Ron had died, she kept having nightmares. Nightmares of Ron dying, or nightmares of Dad dying. She could never, ever sleep without a dream.

And thank god it was morning.

Ginny did not like the dark anymore. It wasn't that she was _afraid_ of the dark. She didn't believe that anyone was truly afraid of the dark itself, but of the terrible things it reminded you of. Whenever Ginny saw dark, it was like the Dementors had swooped down on her, but it wasn't a feeling of never being happy again, it was a feeling of terror. Engulfing terror.

"Poor thing, wakes up at six o'clock, tosses in her sleep. I daresay she needs some counseling," she heard a voice say.

Ginny gritted her teeth. Everyone was treating her like some sort of… well, she wasn't sure what it was called, but it was so horrible. It made her feel even worse, where people were simply whispering, feeling sorry for her. It didn't make her feel any better. She knew they were only trying to help, all the teachers who tired to be nicer to her, the kids who left her alone. It didn't help, not at all.

She knew who she needed to talk to most. She needed to talk to Harry. She needed to know, how Ron died… but Harry wasn't talking. So who could she turn to? She had never really had any best friends. Mostly she had relied on herself. But now Ginny was tired of keeping everything in. She needed to talk to _someone_.

It was potions next. She had come to like potions now. It was the only class where the professor wasn't trying to be nice to her. She kind of liked Snape's meanness, now, after so much pity. She wasn't _that_ weak. And so potions was next.

Ginny hurried through the dungeons, past all the people who stopped their giggling to move away somewhere else and she jumped into a chair with her cauldron, as Snape's glittering eyes moved to rest on her.

She was trying to be like Harry and Ron. How they would retort back when they got mad. Snape was something she could take her anger on, and he wouldn't go all mushy and nice on her either.

Snape's eyes glittered malevolently as Ginny strode into his classroom without a word.

_Yes Snape, it's bully the last Weasley left at Hogwarts hour, isn't it?_ Ginny thought, flashing Snape a sneer. He did nothing, but swept outside into the dungeons to call the others in.

The other fourth-years filed in, and sat down. No one sat on either side of Ginny, maybe trying to give her 'alone time', but Ginny didn't mind. This class was for torturing Snape, and she could do so because she was going to learn from Ron, and Harry, and Fred, and George. She had it all armed under her – and she could do anything. The teachers would tell Snape, "Oh poor Ginny! Her father and her brother died, she's just feeling not well Severus!"

Ginny smiled. Yes, it was a perfect opportunity.

She took her and under her desk, muttered _"Reducto!"_

She hastily stuffed her wand inside her pocket, and watched in satisfaction as the shelves became a fine dust, and all the various jars and bowls came smashing down. Harry had taught that spell her, and it was good that he did. She grinned as Snape's eyes glittered even more evilly, anger written all over his face.

"_Reparo!_" he hissed and pointed his wand at every thing that had been smashed. Except for the shelf, which would not repair, as it was fine dust.

Ginny smiled as she pointed her wand at a Slytherin and whispered, "_Rictusempra!_"

All of a sudden, the girl started rolling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably and shrieking, "Stop it! Stop it!"

And then she turned around to Snape's desk, and whispered, "_Diffindo!_"

Suddenly, Snape was towering above her, "WEASLEY! I WILL NOT TAKE THIS HAVOC ANC CHAOS YOU ARE CAUSING IN MY CLASS! TO THE HEADMASTER WITH YOU!"

Ginny simply sneered, "Fine, off I go then!" she said and strode off.

Of course, she had already done this what, eleven times? It was nothing new. But she hadn't been sent to _Dumbledore's_ office. It had always been McGonagall's office, which wans't anything to be scared about at all. McGonagall simply lectured Ginny and told her grief shouldn't make her angry or something like that.

By the third time she had been sent, she had stopped going. And nobody really cared. But now, she knew Dumbledore could sense lies. Did he know she was going to skip his office? Did he know that Snape had sent her there?

Ginny did not want to see Dumbledore. He was the reason Dad had died. It was his fault. Why hadn't he give Dad a quieter assignment? A safer one? Ginny remembered the last assignment where Dad had nearly died, last year, when he was guarding the Department of Mysteries, and a snake had come. Lucky Harry had been there to see it.

But Harry had not been there to see Dad die in wherever Dumbledore had put him. No one was there to save him that time. Ginny found herself in front of the gargoyle of Dumbledore's office. Did she dare go in?

Then she realized the gargoyle was password protected, of course, and Ginny had no clue what the password was. She stared at it for a while, and was going to leave, and just be alone, like she always as when Snape sent her to McGonagall's, but the gargoyle opened and Dumbledore swept out.

He smiled at her, "Miss Weasley! Have you been sent to see me?"

How could he smile? How could he talk in that so cheery voice? How could his eyes twinkle so playfully? How could he – how dare he, when _he_ was the reason Dad was dead? Ginny swallowed.

"Yes, but I don't _want_ to see you. So good-bye!" she snapped, and was ready to leave.

But Dumbledore's long fingers had made their way to her shoulder. She shivered. They were eerily warm, yet cold at the same time.

"What do you want?" she whimpered.

Her stone heart was melting. The tears were beginning to come again. She tried to wipe them away before _he_ saw, but he did.

"Why don't you come in my office, Ginerva?" he asked gently.

Ginny looked up, startled. No one had called her Ginerva for a long time. She stood up and walked into Dumbledore's office. She would've paid anything to sink into the floor, of all people, _Dumbledore_ had to see her cry.

She gazed at the office sullenly. Fawkes was sitting on his perch, and the other portraits were apparently taking a nap. Ginny stared at the floor, determined not to stare into Dumbledore's piercing eyes.

"What is the matter, I have heard that you've caused some wreakage in Professor Snape's classroom many times. Is there something wrong?"

_Of course there's something wrong you pinhead! My dad's dead, Ron's dead! Stop looking so innocent!_ Ginny thought.

"N-no sir," she said.

"Ginny, if you are still grieving, there is nothing to be ashamed of. But you cannot change grief into anger. It does not help. It causes danger, and in the end, you will destroy yourself. Losing is hard. And perhaps you have heard this countless times, but life does go on," he said gently.

Ginny glared. She had heard this too many times.

"Yeah, well guess what? Life _doesn't_ go on! What's the point of life without a dad, or a brother? It's all _your_ fault! _You_ sent my dad away, and now you're trying to act all innocent, but you're not! Everything is ruined! Quit playing games with me! Leave me alone!"

Ginny stood up from her seat and stormed to the door, she waited for Dumbledore to stop her, waited for him to ask her to stay. But he did not. She ran all the way to the door and wrenched it open, then fled down the staircase, tears spilling down her cheeks as she ran. Corridors and staircases flew by as she blindly ran into the Great Hall, then pushed open the doors of Hogwarts.

The grounds greeted her and the wind felt cool on her face as Ginny slowed down and began to tak it at a walk. The skies were blue, and the birds were making their cheerful songs. But Ginny did not feel cheerful.

She sat on the grass again, staring at the sky, and wondering. Why was the world so cruel? Why were some people spared, and some people killed? How come someone had to create a person like Voldemort on this earth? How come, whoever created this world, had made everything peaceful and happy? How come they had to throw in sorrow, and hurt, and anger? How come they had to throw in evil?

She felt ashamed of herself. If she was mad at Dumbledore, then how come she wasn't mad at Harry? Both of them were the reasons she had a dead brother and dad, yet, she was mad at Dumbledore, and not Harry. And as Ginny thought of it, she still could not be mad at Harry. Because the childhood crush she had had at eleven years old had never quite died away. Though she had dated Michael Corner and Dean Thomas, the crush inside her was never forgotten. She still loved him.

Ginny laid back and stared at the white clouds floating in the sky, and closed her eyes, wondering, wondering…


	3. Chapter 3

Does Hurt Ever Go Away?

By Moony

I don't own Harry Potter.

Thanks to my two reviewers, Lily-James14 and xcloudx! Cookies to you both! –Moony

Chapter 3

Ginny was floating, so high, so high… she could see something off in the distance. What she noticed first was red. Did she dare believe? Had he not really died? Or was _she_ dead and in Heaven? It would be wonderful if she was. Finally leaving everything down from Earth, no pain…

Maybe some mass murderer came in the middle of the night, and she had fallen asleep outside and gone _up_. How great the feeling would be. She was going to be with Dad and Ron forever…

"Ron? Dad?" she whispered, reaching out with trembling fingers.

"Shh. Yeah, it's us Gin," Ron said softly.

His voice seemed so far away…

"You guy's… aren't… dead? Then how come you've been hiding?" Ginny asked, her voice shaking.

"We are dead. Dead don't come back alive. But we… we were granted fifteen minutes to see you, because we must tell you something," Dad replied.

"Only fifteen minutes? But – "

"Shut up Gin! We have to hurry!" Ron said quickly.

"Ginny, You-Know-Who. He will look for you! He's going to try to take you as a hostage, to kill Harry. You must be on your guard – trust _no one_ but Dumbledore or Harry. There will be weird people coming this year, and some of them may be one of the Death Eaters. Keep your wand with you at all times," Dad said.

"But how do you know? And how will I know? Why do they want me again? Who is it?"

"I had an assignment, and I heard the person who's going to take you will be disguised as – "

But they were starting to vaporize and float away…

"Oh no, our time is up…I'm sorry Gin!"

"No – no! Don't leave me again! Don't leave me without a brother or a Dad…"

"We're sorry Gin, but we can't…"

"Oh don't! Oh don't! Come back!"

"We can't Gin… good-bye… we're always watching over you. Be careful…"

The voices were getting farther and farther… and the two of them disappeared totally. Ginny saw nothing more. She wasn't in Heaven. She was still alive. And she was probably never, never going to see them again.

Suddenly, Ginny sat up with a start, and the grounds of Hogwarts came into full view. Damn it! She had forgotten to tell them that she loved them. But had it just been… a dream? Maybe she was so desperate, so desperate to speak to them… that she dreamt about them? But it didn't seem a dream. It was more like… a vision, or something. She wished she could tell someone. If something like this happened, she would usually talk to Ron. Never had she told someone like Fred or George, who would make a joke out of it. Never had she told Percy, who would get all practical and tell her not to worry. Never had she told Bill or Charlie… because they were always away. Whenever something at Hogwarts happened, her first choice was _always_ Ron. Because he was the most to listen and help. And if she were at home, she would run to Dad. They were really alike… Ron and Dad. They weren't the brightest, but they were funny, loyal, and helpful. They _listened_. Mum was just about as helpful as Percy. Amd now she had lost them both. Ron _and_ Dad. She had never thought she would lose _both_ of them. If one or the other were gone, she always thought one would still be there, so she could cry onto their shoulders and talk. If Dad had died, then she would've cried to Ron. If Ron had died, she would've cried to Dad.

Who could she go to now? Who could she talk to?

Her first instinct was Harry. He was well… more helpful than Ron. He really took everything to thought and tried to help in the best way possible, though he really never took the best. But Harry was always more keen to listen, well, because Ron was her brother, and Ron sometimes got annoyed at her, like all siblings did.

Except for Harry wasn't talking.

But maybe he didn't have to talk. Maybe all she needed was someone to shut up, stop feeling sorry for her, and listen. Yes, that was it.

She ran up to the castle, hurried up the stairs and up to the portrait.

"Gillyweed!" she said, and the portrait swung forward.

Ginny dashed in. Harry was there, sitting, staring into the fire, as usual. He didn't appear to be really seeing the fire, more of just sitting, spacing out.

"Harry," she said.

She watched as Harry gave a jump and turned his head to look at her.

"Harry I want to talk to you."

Harry shook his head, then stared back into the fire.

"No, _you_ don't have to talk.I just need someone to listen…"

Harry turned around again. Ginny wasn't sure whether he was listening or not, but she decided to talk anyhow.

"Ok, look. I fell asleep on the grounds outside right? And then I had a dream – no it wasn't a dream, I had a _vision_ or something. And Ron and my dad were there, and they were telling me that You-Know-Who was going to use me or something to get you. Do you think… do you think it was just a dream? Or a vision? Do you think it's true?"

She knew she wasn't going to get an answer, but Harry did seem to be thinking. Finally, he gave a nod. What was that supposed to mean? That it was a dream? Or a vision? His mouth opened, and Ginny watched him struggle to let his voice come out. More words?

"I'll help you."

Ginny wasn't sure what feeling was overcoming her. She felt ever so grateful! At last, there was someone to lean on. Someone who wasn't feeling sorry for her. Someone who understod… she knew she had made the right choice years ago when she had fallen for Harry.

"Oh thank you Harry…"

"Tell Dumbledore," he mumbled softly.

Dumbledore? She didn't want to tell Dumbledore. But she did see his point. Dumbledore could protect her, and her Dad had told her to trust him.

"I – I can't…" she said back.

What she wanted was to hear Harry talk more, maybe she could break the stone wall blocking his vocal chords. Then she could… she could know about Ron's death. She could have a sort of… a kind of brother to run to. Like a second Ron.

Harry shrugged. Without another word he rose from the chair and headed up to the boy's dormitories. Ginny was sure his voice had been locked behind the walls again. Oh well. It was a good start. Six words in all since a month ago.

Maybe she would tell Dumbledore…

If Harry thought so, then oughtn't she do it? For some reason, she couldn't get over her anger at Dumbledore. She tried reasoning with herself. It felt like two angels on each shoulder trying to persuade.

If I'm not mad at Harry, then how come I'm mad at Dumbledore? They're both equally responsible…

Deep inside, Ginny knew the answer. She loved Harry as she never did for Dumbledore. Sure, she had always thought Dumbledore a powerful, wise, all-knowing wizard, but deep inside, she had always had a fiery love for Harry Potter. Even as a little girl, hearing the name brought shivers down her spine. Oh how ardently she had longed to meet Harry Potter when she was young! The boy who conquered the Dark Lord! And he was quite good looking she betted. It was silly, childhood crush then, the kind of crush girls had on famous celebrities.

And then Ron had become friends with Harry Potter, only making everything worse and better for Ginny at the same time. She wasn't sure whether Harry had been really flattered by everything in her first year, because it was quite embarassing. But heck, she had only been eleven.

It was why she spared Harry. Rather than be angry, she wanted to know how Ron died. But yet, she was still mad at Dumbledore? When Dumbledore could tell her things about her Dad? Or be someone she could talk to?

"I'll tell him, I'll tell him… tomorrow, I will…"

Ginny felt some weights being lifted. All from a talk with Harry. The darkness did not seem so horrifying, and she closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. A deep sleep she had not had for a long, long time.


End file.
